Potted Plant Reveals Deep Grooves

The small potted plant probably weighed like a gallon of 2% milk, but the load reflected a practice of lifting the other in life.

The other night I was walking my dog around the neighborhood. I turned a corner to see an older couple ahead. The woman wore a neat blue and white patterned dress and mid-calf length; he was in a white short-sleeve shirt, high-riding tan shorts, dark socks, and brown street shoes. The plant was a dark green and happy.

Sometimes you don’t need to hear a word to understand the language of silent gestures.

The summer heat turned the pavement into a two-lane short order cooking surface. Unfortunately, the cool afternoon breeze had already gone home for the day, leaving us to create our own.

My dog buried her head in a nearby bush. The couple paused as well. The man gently handed the plant to the woman, wrapping both her arms around the base. Then, with the plant securely transferred, they restarted their journey.

Satisfied as well, my dog rejoined me, and we resumed tracing the couple’s footsteps from a distance.

In another 50-yards, the couple stopped again. This time, the woman handed the plant back to the man. Again, they faced each other to secure the transfer. The couple repeated this process several more times during the walk, each taking care to relieve the other of the burden.

You don’t need to have ahead of white hair to spot the lessons of a good marriage or partnership. For example, being considerate when not expected, knowing when to lend a hand to help when not asked, or offer a shoulder to receive one’s tears. Being there, aware, and reading the emotional language is one of the most important skills we can learn.

There is a popular saying 80% of success is showing up. That might be true, but how you use the remaining 20% is the difference-maker in a relationship. And for a good many of us, myself included, learning how to manage the second slice can be challenging. The last miles are the most difficult in anything challenging.

Marriages are not sign-and-go events. Instead, one must be committed to a lifetime of evolving on behalf of the other person. Sometimes that means leaving the carcass of your less appealing traits along the roadside. I know I did – and still – work on this process.

For me, this is going to be a remedial class that never stops meeting.

You hear of long-time couples who communicate without speaking, intuitively knowing what the other wants, needs, or means. Time-worn grooves help bring two people together – the trick is making sure they play a welcome tune.

The couple – and plant – made one final hand off before turning up the driveway of a neatly kept house.

My dog paused again, giving me an extra moment or two to soak up the lesson on display. I sure hope I can at least earn a B.

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